Bruno Fernandes has finally completed his much-awaited move to Man United from Sporting CP after weeks of haggles over the transfer fee.
I thought I was signing for Man City
Our award-winning Journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, sat down with Bruno Fernandes to talk about his latest move to Man United.
Here’s how the interview went:
Q: Hello Bruno. First of all, congrats on your dream move to Man United
A: Fuck off
Q: Uhh… Bruno, you don’t really seem happy?
A: I’m not. I’m fucking depressed mate.
Q: Why? What’s wrong?
A: I thought I was signing for Manchester City.
Q: Why did you think that?
A: Because that cunt Ed Woodward came to visit me in a Manchester City shirt. He shaved his head off and told me he was Pep Guardiola. I said prove it. He said tiki-taka. I said good enough and signed the damn contract!
Q: That’s unfortunate. What are you going to do now Bruno?
A: I don’t know. I spoke with a few Man United players…
Jesse Lingard advised me to join him at a dance school and forget about football.
Paul Pogba offered to book a hospital bed alongside him where we could create Instagram stories and style each other’s hairs.
I also tried to speak with Luke Shaw, but apparently, he injured his hamstrings while standing up from a chair.
Q: Again, unfortunate! So, what’s it gonna be?
A: I’ve been in talks with Man City. It’s the club I have loved and admired as a kid. It has always been my dream to become a Man City player. And I’m so excited that the moment is going to come true.
Q: But Bruno, you said the same about Man United?
A: Fuck off.
This is a satire
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