Bruno Fernandes to Manchester United

Bruno Fernandes already depressed at Man United, wants to join Man City

Bruno Fernandes has finally completed his much-awaited move to Man United from Sporting CP after weeks of haggles over the transfer fee.

I thought I was signing for Man City

Our award-winning Journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, sat down with Bruno Fernandes to talk about his latest move to Man United.

Here’s how the interview went:

Q: Hello Bruno. First of all, congrats on your dream move to Man United

A: Fuck off

Q: Uhh… Bruno, you don’t really seem happy?

A: I’m not. I’m fucking depressed mate.

Q: Why? What’s wrong?

A: I thought I was signing for Manchester City.

Q: Why did you think that?

A: Because that cunt Ed Woodward came to visit me in a Manchester City shirt. He shaved his head off and told me he was Pep Guardiola. I said prove it. He said tiki-taka. I said good enough and signed the damn contract!

Q: That’s unfortunate. What are you going to do now Bruno?

A: I don’t know. I spoke with a few Man United players…

Jesse Lingard advised me to join him at a dance school and forget about football.

Paul Pogba offered to book a hospital bed alongside him where we could create Instagram stories and style each other’s hairs.

I also tried to speak with Luke Shaw, but apparently, he injured his hamstrings while standing up from a chair.

Q: Again, unfortunate! So, what’s it gonna be?

A: I’ve been in talks with Man City. It’s the club I have loved and admired as a kid. It has always been my dream to become a Man City player. And I’m so excited that the moment is going to come true.

Q: But Bruno, you said the same about Man United?

A: Fuck off.

NOTE:

This is a satire

If you aren’t a snowflake or get offended easily, just download the Banter Box android app by clicking here and vent out your frustrations against your rivals.

You can also follow us on Facebook and Twitter.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *