Bruno Fernandes to Manchester United

Bruno Fernandes already depressed at Man United, wants to join Man City

Bruno Fernandes has finally completed his much-awaited move to Man United from Sporting CP after weeks of haggles over the transfer fee.

I thought I was signing for Man City

Our award-winning Journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, sat down with Bruno Fernandes to talk about his latest move to Man United.

Here’s how the interview went:

Q: Hello Bruno. First of all, congrats on your dream move to Man United

A: Fuck off

Q: Uhh… Bruno, you don’t really seem happy?

A: I’m not. I’m fucking depressed mate.

Q: Why? What’s wrong?

A: I thought I was signing for Manchester City.

Q: Why did you think that?

A: Because that cunt Ed Woodward came to visit me in a Manchester City shirt. He shaved his head off and told me he was Pep Guardiola. I said prove it. He said tiki-taka. I said good enough and signed the damn contract!

Q: That’s unfortunate. What are you going to do now Bruno?

A: I don’t know. I spoke with a few Man United players…

Jesse Lingard advised me to join him at a dance school and forget about football.

Paul Pogba offered to book a hospital bed alongside him where we could create Instagram stories and style each other’s hairs.

I also tried to speak with Luke Shaw, but apparently, he injured his hamstrings while standing up from a chair.

Q: Again, unfortunate! So, what’s it gonna be?

A: I’ve been in talks with Man City. It’s the club I have loved and admired as a kid. It has always been my dream to become a Man City player. And I’m so excited that the moment is going to come true.

Q: But Bruno, you said the same about Man United?

A: Fuck off.


This is a satire

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