Bruno Fernandes to Manchester United

Bruno Fernandes to Manchester United: The leaked conversations

Manchester United have shown an interest in the services of Sporting CP’s Bruno Fernandes and here’s all you need to know about the transfer deal.

Ed Woodward – The best negotiator in the world

Our award-winning journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, orchestrated the transfer talks between Manchester United’s executive vice-chairman Ed Woodward and some random Portuguese agent.

Here’s how it went down:

WOODWARD – Okay, um, well, look, I want to sign Bruno Fernandes for Manchester United.

SOME RANDOM PORTUGUESE AGENT – Yeah, sure Ed. You just need to pay £30m to the club and he’s yours!

WOODWARD – No, look, you don’t fucking understand, £30m won’t cut it!

SOME RANDOM PORTUGUESE AGENT – Oh, so, you’re looking for a discount? I can, maybe, get it down to £25m, but that’s it!

WOODWARD – Are you fucking insane? £100m minimum or I’m out!

SOME RANDOM PORTUGUESE AGENT – Uhh… let me get this straight, you want to willingly overpay for the player?

WOODWARD – What, you slow or something? We already spent £85m on a defender who ain’t worth £20m. You think I give a shit?

SOME RANDOM PORTUGUESE AGENT – Umm… Ok, as you wish Ed. Deal done at £100m then!

WOODWARD – Cool, thanks some random Portuguese agent. Oh, and don’t forget the £25m bonus clause for you when we win the Premier League.

SOME RANDOM PORTUGUESE AGENT – hahaha good one Ed! Now fuck off!

NOTE:

This is a satire

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4 thoughts on “Bruno Fernandes to Manchester United: The leaked conversations

  1. I wonder the strategy which the Manchester United board use when it comes to signing of players in the transfer period, imagine just signing one player it would take them almost a month just discussing on the same thing. That’s the reason why sometimes they end up loosing players when other teams shows interests in signing the same player they want to sign. It really hates us as fans. At last we will hear that transfer window period has finished and we have just signed up for one player. Before the transfer period ends we need to sign about 4 to 6 players

  2. Wats come over Manchester United executive ,we r loosing to sign potential player’s da like ov erling now comes to buruno ,get a player sign him so dat we play champion next summer

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