Bruno Fernandes and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer

Bruno Fernandes wins Premier League Player Of The Year award after 1 game

Manchester United’s star Midfielder Bruno Fernandes is set to win the Player Of The Year award for 2019-20 Premier League season.

Watching Bruno Fernandes play helps me with my ejaculation – Solskjaer

Our award-winning journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, sat down with Manchester United manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer after Bruno Fernandes’ latest achievement.

The Norwegian was obviously thrilled by the announcement, “Look, mate, I always knew Bruno Fernandes was a special talent. To win the POTY award after playing just one game is a remarkable feat.

“I have been begging with Ed Woodward to sign him since the last season, but the fat cunt wouldn’t budge. Not until I played a video of Bruno in front of him and started ejaculating in my pants. I guess he liked what he saw.”

With Harry Maguire also nominated for the “biggest knobhead of the year” award, things are already looking great for the Red Devils and the gaffer couldn’t be happier:

“Look, mate, having a professional knobhead, few overhyped dickheads, and a wanker of manager, this is what the Manchester United way is all about, innit?

“With Ashley Young gone, what we really need right now is a world-class diver. Rashy has tried and succeeded in a few instances, but a club like Manchester United needs the absolute best in that regard.

“I have been in contact with Jack Grealish, but the fat, bald cunt still needs to be convinced, right?”

NOTE:

This is a satire

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