Everton manager Carlo Ancelotti has confirmed that Fabian Delph and Morgan Schneiderlin are the best midfielders he has ever managed in his career.
“They are so good, it makes me cry”
Our award-winning journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, sat down with Everton manager, Carlo Ancelotti, after Everton’s 1-0 loss to Liverpool’s U-23 team in the FA Cup fourth round.
There were some lovely scenes post-game, with Mason Holgate hugging an 8-year-old fan by the tunnel, and Fabian Delph getting in on a bromance with a few Everton fans on Twitter.
Apparently, there were also some jovial celebrations in the Everton dressing room after the final whistle with Duncan Ferguson acting as the class clown and distributing lollipops and beers to the team-members.
As per the manager Carlo Ancelotti, “Man, I love Fabian Delph! You know, I’ve managed players like Frank Lampard, Andrea Pirlo, Xabi Alonso, and Zidane, but none of them comes close to what Fabian Delph offers me on the pitch.”
On being inquired as to what exactly Fabian Delph offers on the pitch, Carlo’s eyes lit up with tears, “Absolutely nothing! That’s what he offers us in the middle. Absofuckinglutely nothing!”
“In fact, the only player who I can honestly confirm is equal to or even better than Fabian Delph is Morgan Schneiderlin.
“He could stand in the middle of the park waiting for you to paint him like one of his French girls without giving a shit about tackles and interceptions, or if I’m honest, even Football altogether. Just perfect blend, those two!
“Then there’s Gylfi Sigurdsson. They say he’s got qualities, I’m looking for them.”
Next up, Everton are set to face Brighton at the Goodison Park on Saturday where the fans have promised to welcome them with rose petals, expensive garlands, and open arms.
This is a satire article.
If you aren’t a snowflake or get offended easily, just download the Banter Box android app by clicking here and vent out your frustrations against your rivals.