Eden Hazard asking Gonzalo Higuain for his burgers

Eden Hazard: “I left Chelsea because Higuain ate all my burgers”

Eden Hazard has finally revealed that he left Chelsea for Real Madrid in the summer because of the unfortunate burger situation at the club.

“Argentinian Knobhead to be blamed”

Eden Hazard sat down with our journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina to reveal the real reason as to why he left Chelsea to join the Spanish powerhouse in the 2019 summer.

“They fucking ran out of burgers, that’s what happened,” replied the visibly shaken 28-year-old as he wiped them tears across his cheeks.

“I was so happy at Stamford Bridge for so many years. All I did was eat my burgers and score my bangers. Everything was going great, until, Maurizio Sarri decided to fuck it up by signing Gonzalo Higuain!”

“By the time I would arrive at Cobham in the morning, that Argentinian knobhead would have already eaten all the burgers in the canteen.

“So, I would decide to visit the local McDonalds, but the Argentinian knobhead would have already eaten all the burgers there as well.

“Then I would decide to phone my wife to prepare me some hot, hot burgers, but by the time I would reach home, the Argentinian Knobhead would have already cleaned up my home too.

“That’s when my performances really started to take a hit.

“However, Maurizio Sarri promised me a burger if I would win him the Europa League final, and so I did, but what do I get in return? A pack of fucking cigarettes to smoke my hunger away!

“That’s when I received a phone call from Mr. Zinedine Zidane who offered me a new contract and a burger for every time I scored a goal past Courtois in training.

“Safe to say, I’m loving my time here at my new club. For me, it has always been “burger, banger, burger” in that order.

Next up, Real Madrid takes on Barcelona at the Camp Nou as Chelsea prepare to take on Tottenham.

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NOTE: This is a satire article. If you aren’t a snowflake or get offended easily, just download the Banter Box android app by clicking here and vent out your frustrations against your rivals.

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