Liverpool captain Jordan Henderson

Jordan Henderson admits: “At least I’m not as bad as Eric Dier”

Liverpool captain Jordan Henderson has presumably surprised himself with his recent good performances under manager Jurgen Klopp.

“Mate, I thought I was shit”

Our award-winning journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, caught up with Jordan Henderson after Liverpool’s 2-0 win over Sheffield United on Thursday night and the Liverpool skipper looked visibly stunned with the Man of the Match trophy.

“I just had a chat with me ma and me da and I told them like I won the Man of the Match again like and they were like fucking buzzing mate like me ma promised me a proper boss scran when I get home, y’know!”

It was at that point that our journalist Chuck Spadina requested Henderson to do the interview in English and the next few lines made a little more sense.

“Look mate, I thought I was a fucking shit midfielder, y’know. Brendan Rodgers used to scream at me, ‘Oi Jordan yer a shit player and I would scream back, ‘Oi Brendan, at least I’m not Eric Dier level shit’ and we would both have a good laugh, have a couple of pints, and ride off into the sunset.

“It was all well and good until Jurgen Klopp came and shoved a stick up me arse and suddenly I started to pass the ball. Successfully. To me teammates.

“Look mate, I always knew I was a good passer of the ball. Jurgen Klopp, in recent months, has made me realize me that I can actually pass it to my own team-mates which has been a fucking revelation, y’know.

“Last night, after the game, I begged him to go easy on me y’know, I said give it a rest la me head’s chocka’ and he gave me a wet hug, I said I would rather prefer the stick up me arse Jurgen, and that was that.

“Anyway, I’m off lad. I’ve me car parked in the street. I hope I still have the windshields and the wheel intact, y’know.”

NOTE:

This is a satire article.

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