Tottenham manager Jose Mourinho and Son Heung-min

Jose Mourinho explains Tottenham vows: “Heung-min Son was high”

Tottenham manager Jose Mourinho has revealed the real reason behind Spurs’ dismal form which has seen them with a solitary win in the last 5 games in all competitions.

“I sink Sonny was high”

Our award-winning journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, sat down with Tottenham manager Jose Mourinho after their 1-1 draw against Middlesbrough in the FA Cup on Sunday.

Here’s what the Portuguese had to say on the matter:

Q: Hello Jose. Yet another draw and a disappointing performance from your team. How would you like to whine this time around?

A: “Well Chuck, you know me. I’m the biggest whiner in all of Europe and I’m gonna live up to my name yet again.

“I sink we were phenomenal, we were absolutely phenomenal. Another day we win the game 10-0, 15-0. But, tonight, I sink there was a conspiracy.

“The football, it was too light. Sonny tried to smash it in and tripped over his balls, thank god he didn’t get sent off yet again. Eriksen later told me that Sonny was high, but to be fair, you can never tell with him.

Q: What about the Harry Kane injury though? Aren’t you gonna bitch about that Jose?

A: “You bet I am. I’ve already talked to Daniel Levy and asked him to spend big money in January. He gave me a tenner from Eriksen’s wages to buy a lollipop. Now Christian is broke.”

Q: So Jose, you have managed some of the biggest clubs in the world in your time. What changes have you brought in at Spurs?

A: “I sink it’s a question of mentality here Chuck. I’ve tried to tweak some subtle things to get the players in the right frame of mind.

“Like yesterday, I encouraged them to sit on the table and smoke some weed while wearing a bomb suit just so that they can understand what it’s like to get high on a table without self exploding.”

Q: That sounds fun!

A: “Yeah, yeah it was until Dele Alli dived from the table and started screaming for a penalty. We had to restrain Harry Kane who limped out of the medical room with his boots on, but it was alright.”

NOTE:

This is a satire article.

If you aren’t a snowflake or get offended easily, just download the Banter Box android app by clicking here and vent out your frustrations against your rivals.

You can also follow us on Facebook and Twitter.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *