Tottenham new signing, Gedson Fernandes and Jose Mourinho

Jose Mourinho on Gedson Fernandes transfer: “I thought we signed Bruno Fernandes”

Tottenham Hotspur have officially completed the signing of Portuguese Midfielder Gedson Fernandes on an 18-month loan spell from Benfica.

Our award-winning journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, sat down with Jose Mourinho after the official Gedson Fernandes announcement to talk about the new signing.

“Filho da puta”

Here’s how the interview went:

Q: Hello Jose. First of all, congrats on completing your first transfer deal as the Tottenham manager.

A: Thanks Chuck. It’s fantastic. I feel fantastic. I would like to thanks Mr. Daniel Levy for wrapping up this deal so quickly.

I know, everyone told me that Mr. Levy was such a tight-arse before I joined this club, but I am so thankful that Mr. Levy loosened his arse just for me. I feel happy and respected and strangely enough, a bit horny.

Q: That’s great Jose. I’ve heard Gedson Fernandes is a talented lad. He hasn’t scored one goal or even assisted in his Benfica career which should only help him to easily blend in your bang average Tottenham squad.

A: The Gedson who now?

Q: Uhh… Gedson Fernandes, your new signing of course?

A: Gedson Fernandes? What the fuck! I thought we just signed Bruno fucking Fernandes!

Q: Umm…No Jose. Your club just completed the 18-month loan of 21-year-old Gedson Fernandes from Benfica.

A: Daniel Levy, that son of a bitch! He tricked me again. Porro, Porro, Filho da puta, Filho da puta.

Q: What are you gonna do now Jose?

A: Wait for Chelsea to sack Frank, of course.


This is a satire

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