Jose Mourinho has handed his resignation to Daniel Levy after Tottenham’s 2-0 loss to Frank Lampard’s Chelsea at home on Sunday.
“Fuck Daniel Levy – Jose Mourinho”
Our award-winning journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, sat down with Jose Mourinho after this latest update. Here’s what the Portuguese had to say on the matter:
Q: First of all Jose, the fans want to know, why did you resign as a Tottenham manager?
A: “Oh, it was all a misunderstanding!”
Q: Ok, so you mean you are not resigning?
A: “No, I mean, signing as a Tottenham manager was a misunderstanding.”
Q: What do you mean by that Jose?
A: “I thought I was signing for Chelsea.”
Q: Why did you think that?
A: “Daniel Levy came to me wearing a Chelsea shirt. He told me he was a spokesman of Roman Abramovich and Frank Lampard would be my assistant at the Stamford Bridge. He also promised me the signings of Marouane Fellaini, Nemanja Matic, and Ashley Young. I signed the contract with my right hand while jerking off with my left.”
Q: But, you’ve been at Tottenham for a month now Jose, why are you just realizing all this?
A: “I don’t speak about that. I don’t speak or I’m in trouble. Respect, respect. 3 Premier League. 3 Premier League. Fuck Arsene Wenger. Pogba is shit. Filha da puta. Fellaini! Fellaini!”
*Jose Mourinho has exited the building.
This is a satire article.
If you aren’t a snowflake or get offended easily, just download the Banter Box android app by clicking here and vent out your frustrations against your rivals.