Liverpool captain Jordan Henderson

Jurgen Klopp confirms: ‘Henderson coked out of his mind lost us the game’

Jurgen Klopp has revealed the real reason behind Liverpool’s Champions League loss to Atletico Madrid on Wednesday night.

Hendo coked out of his fucking mind

Talking to our award-winning journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, Jurgen Klopp admitted that the Liverpool skipper was high on coke, “It’s pretty obvious that Jordan Henderson was coked out of his fucking mind,” confirmed the German gaffer.

“Look, I understand where Hendo is coming from,” continued Jurgen Klopp. “Obviously living in a shithole like Liverpool, you’ve got to be pretty fucking high every second of the day just so you can survive this city and the fans.

“In fact, I’ve been taking meth classes myself at the ‘James Milner school of applied drugs and other shithousery’. To be fair, Jimmy makes it really entertaining and fun.

“But, as I said, I’d already advised Hendo to go easy before the game. But the knobhead stormed the dressing room with kilos of Coke which got everyone out of their fucking mind, including me.”

Liverpool’s next assignment is against West Ham at the Anfield next week and Jurgen Klopp has promised punishment is on its way for Henderson after the coke fiasco.

“Joe Gomez has already smashed the windshields of his car, while Milner has promised to steal the steering later on today. It’s not much, but that’s how we do it here in Liverpool!”


This is a satire

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