Chelsea goalkeeper Kepa Arrizabalaga

Kepa Arrizabalaga confirms – ‘I want to play for Chelsea women’

Chelsea goalkeeper, Kepa Arrizabalaga, has urged Roman Abramovich to transfer him to the Chelsea FC Women team after his recent struggles in the Premier League.

I could do better for the Chelsea ladies

Our award-winning journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, sat down with the most expensive goalkeeper of all time after Chelsea’s 2-2 draw against a 10 man Arsenal at the Bridge:

‘Look, mate, it’s so unfair for me. Premier League is so physical,’ Kepa responded after being inquired by Chuck Spadina about his latest decision.

‘Last night, Antonio Rudiger screamed at me after Arsenal scored the second goal. He screamed! That never happened to me in Spain!

‘La Liga is so soft and mushy. They would treat me with candies and couscous after every match and then we would suck each other’s dick until the next game.’

At this point, Kepa Arrizabalaga broke down in tears. Our award-winning journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, lent his jacket and bought a lollipop to comfort the Spaniard. It worked.

‘Look, mate, last season was good. I was the manager of Chelsea and I could do all those things with Rob Green, while Eden Hazard watched from distance, but, Frank Lampard has fucked up my life. It’s torture.

‘I even reached out to David de Gea who had a similar problem during the start of his Manchester United career.

‘He told me that Sir Alex Ferguson shoved a stick up his arse which helped him improve overnight, but the effects of that are wearing off now.

‘As much as I would enjoy that, I’ve urged Mr. Roman Abramovich to transfer me to Chelsea ladies where, I believe, I could be myself again.’

We are still awaiting Roman’s decision.

NOTE:

This is a satire

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2 thoughts on “Kepa Arrizabalaga confirms – ‘I want to play for Chelsea women’

  1. Is this written by a pupil in a primary school?
    This person needs to learn banter from “Waterford whispers”. How do people get hired to write this stuff is beyond me. Just wasted five minutes of my life reading this muck which I wont get back.
    Liverpool fan

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