Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp

Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp: We lost against Chelsea due to “lack of hugs”

Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp has blamed ‘the lack of hugs’ as the reason for the 2-0 loss against Chelsea in the FA Cup last night.

No hugs, only french kisses

Our award-winning journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, sat down with the Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp after there 2-0 loss against Frank Lampard’s side. Here’s what the German had to say after the game:

“It’s not cool. We lost the game due to the lack of hugs. It’s not cool.

“I wanted to hug all my players before the start of the game but the security forbade me. They said it was the latest protocol due to the coronavirus outbreak. They said I should only french kiss my players, and so I did, but it didn’t work.

“30 minutes before the game and Adam Lallana was humping everything in sight. By the time the game started, he was exhausted and spent.

“Meanwhile, Adrian spent the whole of the pre-match jerking off in his goalkeeping gloves. That was probably the reason why he fluffed that Willian shot.

“In hindsight, I probably should have refrained from the french kissing, but basking in the absolute glory of Virgil Van Dijk’s marvellous hairs, I just couldn’t help myself…

“It’s my fault. It’s really my fault,” continued Jurgen. “Next time if I find myself getting out of control, I would just look at Hendo’s face and boom! that should plummet my erection.”


This is a satire

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