Manchester United manager, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, has confirmed that the Red Devils are ready to overpay for over-rated players in the January transfer window.
“The Manchester United way”
Our award-winning journalist and reporter, Chuck Spadina, sat down with Ole Gunnar Solskjaer after Manchester United’s 2-0 loss to Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium on the first of January.
Here’s how the interview went:
Q: Hello Ole. The January transfer window is now officially open. Would you be spending a shitload of cash on bang average players this winter to just about crawl your way out of trouble?
A: “Why not mate! Isn’t that the old Manchester United way? You know I’m all about tradition and shit.”
Q: Indeed Ole. So, have you found another overrated player to overpay for yet? I mean, it will be difficult to top the Harry Maguire bit, right?
A: “Look mate, people said the same thing after we bought Fred. But, the Harry Maguire bit was a touch of genius, wasn’t it?
“I mean, Leicester City were just mucking around with their value of Harry. But we got it done. You should have seen their faces mate!”
Q: Anyway Ole. So, who are your transfer targets this winter?
A: “Yeah mate, so we were thinking about signing Erling Braut-Haaland, but at £20m, we didn’t think it would be overpaying enough, so we ditched that.
“To tell you the truth, we are looking for someone with Jesse Lingard’s quality who would cost more than what Arsenal paid for Nicolas Pepe. That would be sweet revenge after the last night’s loss!”
Q: Final question Ole. You are set to face Man City twice, Liverpool and Wolves this month. Do you think you are ready for the challenge?
A: “Well, obviously we need time and patience mate. We are rebuilding, restructuring, reorganizing, renovating, remodeling, rehabbing, etc.”
Q: And how much time do you think it will take Ole?
This is a satire article.
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