Solskjaer and Ed Woodward Manchester United

Solskjaer confirms: “I’ve signed a lifetime contract with Manchester United”

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has confirmed that he will stay as the Manchester United manager for the rest of his life after the latest talks with Mr. Ed Woodward.

“Solskjaer, the right man for Manchester United”

Our award-winning reporter and journalist, Chuck Spadina, managed to conduct an interview with the gaffer, while the United squad trained for the Chelsea clash.

“I’ve finally managed to fulfill my childhood dream and sign a lifetime contract with Manchester United,” Ole said with tears in his eyes.

How did it come to be? “Well, it all started when Mr. Woodward asked me who’s the best executive chairman in the world? I said, of course, you sir!

“Then he asked me, who is the best player in the world? I said, of course, Jesse Lingard sir!

“Then he asked me, who is the biggest knobhead in the world? I said, of course, Jose Mourinho sir!

“Then he asked me, who is the most willing person to suck his dick, kiss his ass and be a corporate yes man without causing any controversies or fuss? I said, of course, me sir.

“Then he stopped asking me any further questions, pulled down his pants as I confessed my love to him. Long story short, I am gonna bring the glory days back to this club. And I’m very much gonna enjoy doing that”

Jose Mourinho and Louis Van Gaal have refused to comment on the story. Nobody cares about David Moyes anymore.

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NOTE: This is a satire article. If you aren’t a snowflake or get offended easily, just download the Banter Box android app by clicking here and vent out your frustrations against the club of your liking!

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